REPUBLIKA.CO.ID,JAKARTA -- An extensive research conducted by British psychologist, John Bowlby, revealed that the best way to achieve a strong attachment with a child is through what he called ‘bonding experience’. The acts of holding, rocking, singing, feeding, gazing, kissing, and other nurturing behaviours involved in caring for infants and young children are all bonding experiences.

In childhood, the quantity and the quality of the time spent with a child is critically important. Bonding experiences include face-to-face interactions, eye contact, physical proximity, touch and other primary sensory experiences such as smell, sound and taste.

It is always valuable for parents to spend as much time as possible with their children, but just being in the same room with a child is not necessarily a bonding experience. A bonding experience typically has four elements.

The first is that the parent is paying attention to the child. Second, parent and child are interacting in some way by having verbal or non-verbal exchanges. Third, positive emotions are experienced 'in rapport' between the parent and child. 'In rapport' defines as connecting or sharing-as being in tune with one another at an emotional level. The last element is that bonding often involves touch, such as hugging.

Parents can use these four elements as a rule-of-thumb checklist. A bonding experience can last for hours if the parent and child are engaging in an activity together, or a few seconds if they are exchanging a kiss or hug. Scientist believe the most important factor in creating attachment is positive physical contact such as hugging, massaging, holding, and rocking.

Holding, gazing, smiling, kissing, singing, and laughing cause specific neurochemical responses in the brain. Massaging or hugging your child decreases the stress hormones of both parent and child, and has been shown to significantly improve childern’s behaviour.

These neurochemical activities contribute to the normal organisation of brain systems which are responsible for attachment – and other important developmental functions.

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